I need to just take a moment and just…….
BREATHE.

Right at the moment when I thought my life couldn’t possibly get any more busy, it did.

Right at the moment when I thought my dreams had been destroyed forever, I found hope.

Right at the moment when I thought I could no longer get myself up to face the mundane, I discovered once again the extraordinary.

Right at the moment when I thought I would never find love again, I ran right into, at the most unexpected of times.

And now at this very moment, I can yell to the masses with the utmost confidence that….

I LOVE MY LIFE.

For me to be able to get to the place to say that is only by the hands of a redeeming, forgiving, loving God. I would not be anywhere near the place I am today if God hadn’t taking me up out of the pit, dusted me off, and brought me head first into a life of craziness, extraordinary opportunities and relationships, and living through days of light that I only dreamed of in my darkest of times.

I’ve always been the kind of person to point out all that is going wrong, all that I would like to change, all of the things that need patched up and tossed aside. I’m the melancholy musician that always wrote the songs after the breakup, only to walk around with a mentality of the glass half full and only my loneliness and frustration as my comfort.

Yet, now it is different. I can’t even begin to describe what it feels like to be where one should be, to be doing what you created to do, to be able to live out all of the things that have burned so intensely in my heart for so many years. It’s as if all of the years of wandering and wondering have finally brought me to this place, the place of home where I thought I was going backwards, yet in all reality would discover the life I was meant to live. I am still restless, I still get lost at times, yet not as much as I once did. I still know I will face change and difficulty, yet my eyes and heart have been opened to so much more.

Now my task at hand is to organize and simplify through all of this craziness. Everyday is spent sorting through my schedule, over and over again, in hope of landing on something that doesn’t overlap all of the things I need to get done and to narrow down my to do list to something manageable. I feel like I want to do everything. Everything I am doing is something that I love, every aspect a different part of myself and my dreams.

An update (since I hardly ever blog because I hardly can sit down and write our all that is burning inside of me….) ……

I just gave my two weeks notice at the coffee shop I was working at. Due to many things and the fact that I finally got a job at the shop I wanted, I will be free from the coffeehouse I have spent many hours of frustration and even joy at. It has been a good run, yet I am so thankful that it is slowly coming to an end. The new place is far more of a good fit for me. I am overjoyed at the opportunity to work there.

I am playing shows again, with a new band and no idea where the future will lead me. I’m alright with that for now. My days of music filled excursions have lessoned since Portland, yet I still get a taste every once in a while of what once was. Not recording currently is killing me, yet I also have hardly had the time to pen the songs of my heart in these passing months. That season always comes and goes for me, I just have to be alright with the times when it is not the moment when I get to release the songs I’ve held onto for months and months.

I’m working at church again. I don’t think I’ve felt this alive in a long, long time. Even in the midst of chord charts, file folders, and far too much coffee, I am finding my feet again. I had been so derailed from the last season of my life, my heart had been so broken, and my soul so beaten. I find hope every time I go to work, every time I sit at my desk, every time I sit at the piano on Sunday. I am finally free. My life has become such a picture of redemption and hope. I am reminded of it every time I am there.

I just want to wake up everyday and create something.
To build something.
To endeavor upon all of the relationships that have been placed in my life.
To find the joy even in the maintenance of life.
To take time to breathe every once in a while.
I can’t do everything. I’m slowly realizing that and I am taking steps towards getting to the place I absolutely need to be.

I’m just loving life and seeking more focus in all of it
Yet, it still continues to become more and more beautiful with every second.

“For us to get focused, we need to make adjustments.”
-McManus.

Welcome to my current existence of craziness.