True Love

A friend sent this picture to us. It is from the night Ryan proposed to me at the Sigur Ros concert.

I love him so.

Dear L-town……

Why the intense silence? It is a silence that has crept into my bones, as a ghost or a shadow of what once was that will never live to be seen again. Why no words now? Why the dropping off of all communication, of all hope, of all light into this darkened world?

I fear your opinion of my consequence, of my decisions, of my move. I fear that you have the wrong idea of my reason for leaving, for escaping before I, myself, would have destroyed everything and all that I had left in my aching bones. If I had stayed, if I would have endured, and continued to burn in that place, I would have been reduced to nothing. I would have been brought to the place of choosing, the path of light and the path of darkness; my heart knows which pathway I would have chosen.  I was still choosing the darkness, still aching for the light once again, and realizing that all would never be the same.

Which is why I had to run.

Which I why I had to return back to the edge of all beginnings and start over.

Yet, I fear you believe that I left in the wrong way.
That I was running for all of the wrong reasons.
That I burned so brightly, only to awake one day in May and leave it all behind.

I pray that you understand my decision. That your heart, your mind, and your soul will grasp the reasons in which I have not returned to stay. That you could understand that one-day I shall return and I hope and pray that we shall still be friends.

I only wish I didn’t wake with all of these questions, these unanswered phone calls, these emails that you have left unopened and unanswered.

I only wish that you would know how much I cherish the seasons in time that I spent walking upon your ground, creating within your broken walls, and embarking upon the era that changed me forever. I shall never be the same and no thing and no one shall ever replace you.

Yet you remain silent.
And I wait in the silence.
I wait broken and torn.
Yet, I also wait in a place where I am no longer settling or destroying myself.

I am happy.
My life is beautiful.
And none of it would be so if I had never experienced life with you.

And, one day, when I return, I hope that all is not lost and the shadows and the silence will be nowhere to be seen.

I have not forgotten you, yet why have you forgotten me?

I wait in the silence.
Can you hear me?

I’ve Decided…

That I really enjoy Mondays.

Lots of coffee, lots of gear, lots of music and vision.

And I also love flea markets…

And the sweet red chairs that I find at them.

I love the simple things in life.

Finding My Feet Again

….this is what it’s like
finding your feet again
the part of you that couldn’t
finally thinks you can….

Denison Witmer

Words

You learn to speak by speaking,

to study by studying

To run by running,

to work by working.

And just so,

you learn to love by loving.

Begin as a mere apprentice

And the very power of love

Will lead you to become a master of the art.

-St Francis of Sales

….more words to come. There is much burning inside of my heart lately, good things…..