My Day…

was rough. 

 

 

 

 

 

You will encounter people during your lifes journey whom can walk away from you. When a person is capable of walking away from you, you must allow them to walk. Don’t try to talk another person into calling you, coming to see you, staying attached to you, caring about you or loving you. Your destiny and your lifes story is never tied to someone who put enough effort into their actions to be able to walk away, even once. The emotional disinterest and energy a person employs to be capable of physically separating themselves from you is significant.”





”A person is only capable of leaving you because he/she is not connected to you in a deep, meaningful, spiritual way. The person is not joined to you – and if they are not joined on the inside to you, there is nothing you can apply or employ on the outside to make them ’stick.’ Recognize that this relationship was only a cycle and is now completed, and don’t continue trying to raise the dead. Allow them to go, and gently close the door behind them. “

‘ Jesus said, “Do not throw your pearls to pigs,” (Matt. 7:6) By this we don’t think he was calling some people pigs. He was saying, “Look-be careful that you do not give something precious to someone who, at best, cannot recognize its beauty, or at worst, will trample on it’

-stasi elderidge (Captivating)

Lessons

I’m in the midst of learning so many lessons. Like trusting someone that was NEVER trustworthy in the first place. Breaking hurts. Molding is difficult. Yet, I will see the end and be strong.  

 “Experience; that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.”

C.S. Lewis   

Thank You, and Keep Going

This is why I keep doing what I love. 

 

“It matters, art does. It’s one of the noblest things, because it can make us better, and one of the scariest things, because it comes from such a deep place inside of us. There’s nothing scarier than the moment when you sing the song for the very first time, for your roommate or you wife, or when you let someone see the painting, and there are a few very long silent moments when they haven’t yet said what they think of it, and in those few moments, time stops and you quit painting, you quit singing forever, in you head, because it’s so fearful and vulnerable, and then someone says, essentially , thank you and keep going, and you breath releases, and you take back everything you said in your head about never painting again, about never singing again, and at least for a moment, you feel like you did what you came to do, in a cosmic, very big sense. 

            I know that life is busy and hard, and that there’s crushing pressure to just settle down and get a real job and khaki pants and a haircut. But don’t. Please don’t. Please keep believing that life can be better, brighter, broader, because of the art you make. Please keep demonstrating the courage that it takes to swim upstream in a world that prefers putting away for retirement to putting pen to paper, that chooses practicality over poetry , that values you more for going to the gym than going to the deepest places in your soul. Please keep making art for people like me, people who need the magic and imagination and honesty of great art to make the day-to-day world a little more bearable…..

            So to all the secret writers, late night painters, would-be singers, lapsed and scared artists of every stripe, dig out your paintbrush, or your flute, or your dancing shoes. Pull out your camera or your computer or your pottery wheel. Today, tonight, after the kids are in bed or when your homework is done, instead of one more video game or magazine, create something, anything.

            Pick up a needle and thread, and stitch together something particular and honest and beautiful, because we need it. I need it.

 Thank you, and keep going.”

 

 

Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist

 

Blessed….

You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are- no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink and the best meal you’ll ever eat.

You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘careful’ you find yourselves cared for.

You’re blessed when you get your inside world-you mind and heart- put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.  

 (Matthew 5) 

I can’t shake these today. 

 

 

 I feel so close, yet so far. 

Yet, I have hope for what is coming.

53 days until all that is unknown finally hits.  

 

 

You

How my soul aches for the very moment in which my thoughts are no longer held so tightly by the last season of my existence. To walk through life without the continuous whispers of the days of old, without the constant parade of images and all the memories that I cannot shake. My thoughts desire to be free, to roam through this life without being held by the very thought of you, your touch, your art, the sound of your voice. Someday my heart will run free. Someday. I wasted too many days on this. Too many moments. Too many memories. Too many hopes.

 

Oh, how the heart holds on so tightly to all of the things that will eventually bring it to its heartbreaking destruction.

 

There will be no part of me that will be able to become who it is I know I am supposed to be and be able to create the other world that I know is possible, if I am so intertwined with this past season. It was never supposed to look like this. I was never supposed to get to the point of where I lost all that I strived for, all that I hoped for, all that I lived for in one fleeting, hardly recognizable season in time.

 

I wish only for life to once again return to my flesh and soul, to my restless bones. To run free of this and all of the whispered memories that aim to torture my heart in the midst of all of the quickly passing minutes of the everyday.

 

I want a heart that is truly alive. That breathes and bends, that sways and soars. No longer to wake bound by my consequences but to soar upon the undeserving wings of grace and mercy.

 

I no longer desire to ache for the minutes and decisions of my past. To be able to focus upon the beauty that actually is attempting to reveal itself in my present, if only I will allow the time to seek it out. To wake with hope and vision for what is to come.

 

This will only happen the second I am rid of you.

 

 

“There is a God who pursues you to the end of the earth, to embrace you at the core of your being with a love beyond that of any man, a love that penetrates your deepest fears and heals your soul, a love that will not let you go. We are never truly free until our hearts are ravished in the love of God. “

-Paula Rinehart